Bug-Itis got a-hold on me …or don’t let the bedbugs bite
About 400 years ago, when I was a student at Oakridge Secondary School in London Ontario, one of the major events of the institution’s social calendar was a yearly dance featuring a group called the Mandala, commonly referred to, for some unknown reason, as the Mighty Mandala.
As a socially inept ugly duckling, I spent most of my time at these dances lurking miserably in the corner of the gym or concealed in the washroom.
However, I would scuttle out of hiding when the Mighty Mandala belted out their hit tune, a real crowd pleaser called Love-Itis. Not their own composition, but their trademark masterpiece nonetheless:
My family doctor couldn’t find me no cure, oh no
Said you really got it bad and I know it for sure, yes, he did, baby
He said the only one that can fill your prescription, oh yeah
And this feeling I got, ain’t got but one description
Said I got a thing called
Love-itis, got a hold on me
Love-itis, got control on me
Love-itis, got a hold on me
Love-itis, got control on me
I tried so hard, baby, but I couldn’t run away, oh no…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrQThbeEEUM
Meanwhile the members of my family were afflicted by another equally potent virus: Bug-Itis.
My father would wildly flail at, swat, or nuke with potent poisons any errant fly, bee, or mosquito that had the misfortune of crossing his path. I have primal memories of him spraying mushroom clouds of toxic chemicals to annihilate winged intruders, early and often.
And my sister and I, as tiny tots, were thoroughly traumatized by a bug-infested family vacation in Tarpon Springs Florida, at the home of my mom’s brother, Uncle Walter, where there were all sorts of creepy crawlies, spawned by the surrounding jungle world that encroached upon any oasis of civilization like a devious verdant malefactor. Every morning, we were instructed to check and empty our shoes, in case they had been invaded overnight by all manner of venomous pests, especially black widow spiders.
Living in France is no bowl of cherries for a victim of Bug-Itis. Very few houses or apartments are equipped with screens, and air conditioning is a rarity; hence, an open window policy prevails throughout the summer months, during which time one’s humble abode seethes with hornets, bluebottle flies, earwigs, moths, spiders, stick insects, gnats, mosquitos, tiny biting blackflies, and ants, a vast array of ants…including of the dreaded flying variety.
https://wildlifeinfrance.com/insects-france/insects-in-france
One July evening in the summer of 2023, we returned to our tiny apartment to discover it swarming with flying ants. Moscas salvajes! A dense cloud of buzz bombers enveloped us, while the floor was carpeted with foot soldiers, which we watched, thunderstruck and aghast, as they sprouted wings in real time and joined the aerial blitzkrieg. We were ready to surrender, to go live under a nearby bridge, but our landlords, heeding our shrieks, beetled into our lodgings and adroitly vacuumed up the enemy troops before liberally spraying the characteristic French poison products in every nook and cranny, chemical warfare being the order of the day in the ongoing Gallic battle against the omnipresent battalions of pests.
In those days the French had another bee in their bonnet, bedbugs to be more precise. (In the summer of 2024, the land of Macron has of course turned into a seething hornets’ nest of an entirely different sort.) In 2023, tabloids were ablaze with scare headlines about throngs of these devilish critters invading Paris and spreading to the rest of the besieged nation, threatening to ruin the World Rugby Championships and scuttle the 2024 Summer Olympic Games. Defeatism was rampant; France was on the verge of capitulating to sinister enemy forces once again. Shades of June 1940!
https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/paris-freaks-out-over-bedbugs-ahead-olympic-games-2023-10-06/
https://www.politico.eu/article/paris-bedbugs-metro-dirt-grime/
When I was a child insomniac, I used to repeat this rhyme in my head over and again before trying in vain to sleep:
Good night, sleep tight
Don’t let the bedbugs bite.
But if they do, then take your shoe and
Hit them till they’re black and blue
https://roxbugs.com/good-night-sleep-tight-the-truth-behind-the-childhood-nursery-rhyme/
I wonder if such a prayer exists in French. It would appear that the nation’s only hope for survival in the face of the great bedbug deluge – and of the current political hornets’ nest – is divine intervention.
Your friend,
Robert
This is a draft sketch for my next book entitled It’s All in the Condiments.
Robert McBryde Author: IndieReader Approved, nostalgia, hippies, pop music, 1960s, 1970s, psychedelic, blogging, social media, CBC radio, literary non-fiction, tales, short stories, vignettes, immigrant experience, Quebec anglos, living in France, childhood and animal stories, creative memoirs, satire, autobiography, family relations, fathers, raising children, aging, facing death, travel, social commentary, love and marriage, translation: English-French; French-English
Publisher’s Note: Funny, manic, and wistful… self-deprecating creative nonfiction…The author, Robert McBryde, a professional translator, has been compared to David Sedaris for the sometimes-snarky autobiographical satire characterizing his literary sketches. Many of the stories in his new book, titled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny, have been featured on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation radio network.
Author’s Note:
I’ve written a new book of creative non-fiction titled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny, recently published and now on the market. The book is based on stories that I told over the years as a writer/ broadcaster and host on CBC radio based in Quebec City, Canada.
The book is available via my website. The purchase links are at the bottom of the home page.
https://robertmcbrydeauthor.com/
Normally I will post at least two morning blogs per week. Stay tuned!
If you purchase a book via the platform of your choice, please leave a review!
Here is an excerpt from my IndieReader review:
“[This] memoir is… an enjoyable and touching read. Radio listeners in Quebec are already familiar with the wit and wisdom of Robert McBryde. The non-fiction collection, MY TIME WITH YOU HAS BEEN SHORT BUT VERY FUNNY, gives the rest of the world access to the author’s inimitable style.”
https://indiereader.com/book_review/my-time-with-you-has-been-short-but-very-funny/
“Please note that [this] book received a rating of 4 stars or above, making it “IndieReader Approved”, a designation we created to make it easier for readers and booksellers to identify quality indie titles. Post the sticker proudly, knowing that your title was judged by top industry professionals—not as merely a great indie book—but as great book, period.”
Here is a link to a cool group book review blog:
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And this is a link to Goodreads. A great place to learn about new books and to read reviews.
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Here is a review from Amazon…
A Spirited Dive into Life’s Laughter and Tears (amazon.com)
And lastly a review from The Quebec Chronicle Telegraph newspaper:
“This 124-page volume is indeed short, and funny, but at times dark and sad. Such is life…[That Robert McBryde] emerged as an enlightened and gentle man…is almost astounding.”
You can follow me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/robertmcbrydeauthor/
And on LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-mcbryde-44051122/
Happy reading! 😊
Your friend,
Robert
https://robertmcbrydeauthor.com/