
The French version of this excerpt from my book titled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny follows the English. The French version of the book will be published in a very few weeks. Stay tuned!
La version française de cet extrait de mon livre Le temps passé avec vous fut bref mais tordant suit la version anglaise. La version française du livre sera publiée dans quelques semaines. Restez à l’écoute !
Physical mis-education
I have always had a love-hate relationship with sports. Back in the 1960s, physical education classes were my worst nightmare.
For me, phys ed classes were pure, unadulterated torture, especially tumbling and gymnastics. I was simply incapable of performing a somersault, let alone a back flip, or catapulting over a box horse. Even contemplating these feats filled me with a nameless dread.
My phys ed teachers, including a terrifying fiend known as “Madman,” had no patience with such paralysis. Contemptuous mockery and physical intimidation ruled their pedagogical waves. They used to routinely slam weaklings and ne’er-do-wells into lockers. So I quaked and quailed, spending sleepless nights before each phys ed class, in anticipation of absolute humiliation.
In Grade 10, I got my first big break…
The fresh-faced boys of our homeroom class did gym with a group from the tech program, where the hard-bitten guys all looked about 30 years old, with whiskered countenances and rippling muscles. They drove vehicles adorned with oversized phallic fins to their daily encounter with higher learning where they were being primed for the workforce in a short couple of years. When wrestling was the phys ed flavour of the month, each student had a partner with whom to sweat and grunt. My counterpart, whom I secretly dubbed Gronk, was a tech guy built like a Mack truck. In our inaugural skirmish, he picked me up as if handling a wriggling crustacean and flung me to the cement-like mat, totally shattering my right elbow. In spite of the blinding pain, my eyes filled with tears of unadulterated gratitude. “Thank you! Thank you!” I stammered to disconsolate Gronk as I was led out of the gym by the school nurse. I already knew that the injury was so serious that I would never have to do tumbling and gymnastics again.
Le loser de la classe de gym
J’ai toujours eu une relation d’amour-haine avec le sport. Dans les années 1960, les cours d’éducation physique étaient mon pire cauchemar.
Pour moi, les cours d’éducation physique étaient une torture pure et simple, en particulier le tumbling et la gymnastique. J’étais tout simplement incapable d’exécuter un saut périlleux, sans parler d’un back flip, ou de me catapulter par-dessus un cheval de bois. La seule contemplation de ces exploits me remplissait d’une frayeur sans nom.
Mes professeurs d’éducation physique, dont un terrifiant monstre surnommé Madman, n’avaient aucune patience avec une telle paralysie. La moquerie méprisante et l’intimidation physique régissaient leurs ondes pédagogiques. Ils avaient l’habitude de jeter les mauviettes et les bons à rien dans les casiers. Alors j’ai frémi et tremblé, passant des nuits blanches avant chaque cours d’éducation physique, dans l’attente d’une humiliation absolue.
En dixième année, j’ai vécu ma première importante rupture avec le destin. Les garçons aux traits juvéniles de notre classe d’accueil prenaient les cours d’éducation physique avec un groupe du programme technique, où les gars durs à cuire semblaient tous avoir 30 ans, avec des visages moustachus et des muscles ondulés. Ils conduisaient des véhicules ornés d’ailerons phalliques surdimensionnés pour se rendre à leur rencontre quotidienne avec l’enseignement supérieur, où ils étaient formés pour entrer sur le marché du travail quelques années plus tard. Lorsque la lutte était la discipline du mois en éducation physique, chaque élève avait un adversaire avec qui souffler, transpirer et haleter. Le mien, que je surnommais secrètement Gronk, était bâti comme un camion Mack. Lors de notre premier combat, il m’a soulevé comme si j’étais un crustacé frétillant et m’a projeté sur le tapis dur comme du ciment, me fracassant le coude droit. Malgré la douleur aveuglante, mes yeux se sont remplis de larmes de gratitude pure et simple. « Merci! Merci! » ai-je balbutié devant Gronk, inconsolable, alors que l’infirmière de l’école me faisait sortir du gymnase. Je savais déjà que la blessure était si grave que je ne pourrais plus jamais faire de tumbling et de gymnastique.
Robert McBryde Author: IndieReader approved, adolescence, hippies, pop music, 1960s, 1970s, blogging, social media, CBC radio, literary non-fiction, tales, short stories, vignettes, immigrant experience, sports, Quebec anglos, living in France, childhood and animal stories, creative memoirs, satire, autobiography, family relations, fathers, raising children, aging, facing death, fear of death, travel, social commentary, love and marriage, translation: English-French; French-English
Publisher’s Note: Funny, manic, and wistful… self-deprecating creative nonfiction…The author, Robert McBryde, a professional translator, has been compared to David Sedaris for the sometimes-snarky autobiographical satire characterizing his literary sketches. Many of the stories in his new book, titled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny, have been featured on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation radio network.
Author’s Note:
I’ve written a new book of creative non-fiction titled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny, recently published and now on the market. The book is based on stories that I told over the years as a writer/ broadcaster and host on CBC radio based in Quebec City, Canada.
The book is available via my website. The purchase links are at the bottom of the home page.
https://robertmcbrydeauthor.com/
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If you purchase a book via the platform of your choice, please leave a review.
Here is an excerpt from my IndieReader review:
“[This] memoir is… an enjoyable and touching read. Radio listeners in Quebec are already familiar with the wit and wisdom of Robert McBryde. The non-fiction collection, MY TIME WITH YOU HAS BEEN SHORT BUT VERY FUNNY, gives the rest of the world access to the author’s inimitable style.”
https://indiereader.com/book_review/my-time-with-you-has-been-short-but-very-funny/
“Please note that [this] book received a rating of 4 stars or above, making it “IndieReader Approved”, a designation we created to make it easier for readers and booksellers to identify quality indie titles. Post the sticker proudly, knowing that your title was judged by top industry professionals—not as merely a great indie book—but as great book, period.”
Here is a link to a cool group book review blog:
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And this is a link to Goodreads. A great place to learn about new books and to read reviews.
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And, finally, a review from Amazon…
A Spirited Dive into Life’s Laughter and Tears (amazon.com)
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Your friend,
Robert
https://robertmcbrydeauthor.com/