The real reason that we returned to Canada: My wife Anne missed Simons too much to remain in France

The real reason that we returned to Canada: My wife Anne missed Simons too much to remain in France.

Here is an excerpt from the story “Excuse My French” from the book entitled My Time with You Has Been Short but Very Funny. Simons, a clothing and department store, is a Quebec and even a Canadian institution. It is referenced in the excerpt below:

Having a father like me was unbearably humiliating for our sons when they were little kids. They forgave their mom’s exotic Slovak accent more than my occlusive Anglo massacre of the French tongue. They also found their mom much more ‘couth’ (borrowing her own particular self-description). She shopped at Simons.* In addition to my funny French, our boys were mortified by my corny jokes and unfortunate choice of garments. They were extremely reluctant to bring school friends over to our house. On those rare occasions when they invited someone over, I received clear instructions: “Stay in your room. Don’t speak.”

Our son David had a succinct message when an appearance on my part couldn’t be averted: “Act normal at all times.”

‘Acting normal’ has always been a bridge too far for me.

Our sons were mortally embarrassed by my Quebec City winter coat and hood, which made me look like a conical-topped Michelin Tire Man, and especially by my snow pants, which swished rhythmically as I lumbered about in the vicious Quebec City winter.

I once made the mistake of disclosing in front of our boys that I had been mistaken for a vagrant in a Quebec City government office. This was the proverbial last straw for the boys. They ordered me to donate the coat and snow pants to charity and to ask their permission before acquiring any other garments or accessories. The earrings I sported were also targeted by the purge. It was enough that we had no car and that our lawn was festooned with dandelions. It was high time that I dressed like Jean Provencher, the father of Dan’s friend, who wore a ritzy suit and drove a sportscar. They couldn’t do anything about my accent, but they could spruce me up.

When my sons were kids, they wanted to trade me in for a newer model. Just like I had wanted to do with my own dad.

https://robertmcbrydeauthor.com/